Only Today Counts

Language learning is without a doubt a difficult thing to do. Many people in this program are natural language learners. They are extremely gifted in that area. Others of us are just as deeply talented and deserving of scholarships such as this, but we learn at a different tempo...pace. I did not think I could become overwhelmed in my last week in Lucknow. Yet it has occurred. With our final exam on top of the final presentation, on top of the OPI test, on top of maximum anticipation...stress was born. Not a regular type of stress. Maybe I shouldn't even call it stress. What I have is something else or a bunch of other things. (Should I name it?) 

I can’t help but question - in these few hours- what happened to my "progress." 

Could it be that progress is merely a type of goal accomplished after time? Isn't progress progressive?.. Constant that is...ever flowing? I guess I could be in progression at the current moment. Surely I am constantly progressing.

While sitting in class, hot, and exhausted, I could feel my heart. It was as if it were pounding outside of my shirt. Energy lever: 0. What was I thinking?.. Nothing.

Class was then over. I walked to the water filter. I drank five glasses of water in approximately three and a half minutes. This was happening as another student paced the room back and forth focusing on her presentation with paper in hand. It was approximately three and a half minutes because I had my eyes on the clock the whole time. Time seems to be ticking away slower than ever. 

I wonder if you can see the... No. I'm sure you can see the emotions on my face and in my demeanor. Earlier today I was pondering on how the guys in this program are holding up so well. How are they so strong??? That led to the new age old question:  Are men stronger? Or are men just less sensitive? Of course we all know their sensitivity has to do with the ways of the world; how one is raised, etc. After speaking with a few of them, it's just the outside that is so strong.   

I changed my mind about the students here. I forgot we were in an advanced learning program. There are few who can thrive in such an intensive place. This intensity could be defined by the six to seven weeks it has taken us to dive into the language. We haven't just dived in, we have been placed into a circumstance where language thrives and English is not the norm. This intensity is made up of so much more. We aren't just immersed in an Urdu speaking country; many of us are immersed into a foreign culture. We have lived, spoken, seen, tasted, and felt India. AKA Hindustan. AKA Bharat. For a while I was thinking, "What is Hindustan," but I eventually caught on.

In this program no experience for an individual is the exact same. One very important difference has been our living situations. Some of us have roommates with very eclectic personalities. Others of us don't have roommates at all. Certain homes have great food and other homes don't. Some of our host families interact with us. Other home-stays treat us like paying guests. This vital piece to the immersion puzzle affects us all in different ways, positive and negative. I would say the environment one lives in is key to ones study habits and abilities. For example, I'm living with a non-meat eating Hindu family. More saddening is the fact that they haven't really adjusted to a vegetarian diet. Thus, I have eaten a lot of what consists of only carbs, brown stuff, rice, beans, bread, and potatoes. I never thought I would eat a potato sandwich but hunger will do that to you. I’ve had the occasional traditional types of food in and outside of the house. I'm almost sure my body is going to freak out when I get back to my regularly scheduled diet, but I'll be fine. Other differences you may think will affect you, Do. I fortunately understand I need the proper lighting and clean environment to pull out the best of my abilities. This, however, was not my fortune. So I dealt with the situation and can’t regret a bit of it :)

Today, after listening to the advanced students present, I realized it takes a large sum of effort to listen to advanced Urdu after two months of learning and a full day of study it. I’m exhausted and the official count down has begun. Three Days...We are actually calling is two.

Two Days.